Creating Buy-in

A group of business people are having a meeting in a conference room.

Getting Buy-in For Your Initiatives

Creating Buy-In

There’s a common understanding that executives are hired to make decisions. True enough. But they are also hired to insure that the decisions are implemented. Coming to a decision – choosing a direction, formulating a strategy or deciding on an action plan – is difficult enough in these complex times. Getting people to buy in – to understand, accept, and align behind the plan - is another matter.

Nobody creates a successful business alone

No matter how brilliant or visionary you are, how innovative your ideas or your product, you need other people to help you transform your vision into reality. Leaders get results by working through others.

You need cooperation and support for your initiatives from investors, employees, and other stakeholders if you are to lead successfully and accomplish your goals.

The authoritarian leadership style is a dinosaur

We no longer live in a world where the person at the top can dictate terms to followers and employees and automatically get his or her way. It doesn’t work like that. Leaders on every level operate in a complex web of relationships and inter-relationships. They have to work with people who have differing agendas, viewpoints, and leadership styles, and need to find ways of working together to achieve common goals.

So you need to create buy-in

One of the ongoing challenges you will face as a leader is creating buy-in – getting the people whose support you need as fired-up as you are about what you are creating together. People who take on your vision as their own, who will enthusiastically put in the hours and the focus because they believe in you and your objectives and truly want to see your idea come to life. The more your agenda becomes theirs, something they want to achieve because they believe in it, the better your chances of success.

How will you do it?

This will not happen by itself. How will you light the fire that will make people passionate about building the organization needed to realize your dream? How will you enlist the cooperation of those who are not passionate, but whom you need on your side?

And how will you avoid the pitfalls that get in the way?

Here are some ideas that are relevant both for specific projects that you want to pursue, and for the overall success of your organization.

Steps to create buy-in:

Determine what you want
Creating buy-in first requires knowing what you want (your goals, priorities, and needed resources). So, before trying to present your idea or suggest an action, it’s important to carefully think through your proposal. Ask yourself:

What is most important to you in this situation?
What is your primary goal or core agenda?
What do you need others to agree to or support, both immediately and in the future?
What actions or changes do you want to see?

Determine what you can give up

Differentiate between your “A” priorities and your “B” and “C” priorities.
What are you willing to give or trade to get what is most important to you?
Be clear about the relative importance of getting the current task accomplished or initiative supported, versus maintaining or building a long-term relationship with those you are trying to influence.

Prepare the ground – do your homework
If you need an individual or group to buy in to your idea or initiative, set up a meeting and prepare for it carefully. Don’t impulsively jump into action before you have your plan thought through.

Know what you want to achieve.

Get clear what points you want to make, and how you want to state them.
Make whatever notes you may need so you can give a thorough, cogent, and persuasive presentation.
Get your facts straight and know the details.
Do your homework so that your argument has credibility. This is how you want people to see you: “She is so knowledgeable that her ideas and proposals have immediate credibility.”

Anticipate the opposition
Before you meet, make a list of all the people your proposal will affect. Talk to key players to find out how they think and what they want:

What are their concerns, agendas, and motivations?
What do they care about the most?
How are they likely to react to your proposal?
Try to anticipate likely disagreements or any opposing views you may face. Adjust your presentation accordingly.

Try to understand the person or persons you want to influence

One factor that inexperienced leaders – and some who should know better – often fail to take seriously is learning all they can about the people they wish to influence. It’s a common, and very natural mistake to feel that your vision, your personal persuasive powers, and your position authority should be enough to bring others into alignment with what you want. But it isn’t.

Before you aim directly for buy-in, try to understand the situation from the point of view of the people you’ll be addressing. When you talk to them, explain your ideas but be in a listening mode. Pay attention to what they say, and adapt your approach based on what you learn they want and what the forces are that are acting on them. If you understand their world and have a bit of empathy for what they are facing, you will be more likely to see them as allies rather than as the evil opposition.

Clarify what you have to offer in exchange

The unspoken question people will almost always have when considering whether to buy in to someone else’s initiative is, “What’s in it for me?” So before you try to influence and persuade, it’s important to clarify not just what you want, but what you have to offer. What can you trade for something they want or need? Important: This is likely to be different for each stakeholder, so you need to get to know your people. It’s not always about money.

Here are some things people value:

Meaning: Being involved in a project that has broader meaning and significance
Challenge: The chance to work on a demanding, stimulating project or problem
Money: Making more of it
Growth: Expanding their territory of influence or their level of responsibility
Learning something that is useful to their career advancement
Acknowledgement or praise for their accomplishments, competence, or knowledge
Being listened to – feeling that their ideas and contributions are appreciated
Getting support for a pet project in the form of financial or other resources such as staff, equipment, or office space
Greater visibility in the organization, profession, or industry
The opportunity to work with a person they admire or respect
Receiving coaching or mentoring
Feeling that they are a valued part of a group or team

Action Plan for Creating Buy-In:

Build consensus with key people

Identify the stakeholders whose buy-in you most need, whose input may influence or even change your approach or your course of action. That usually means all of your direct reports and your peers, and if you're the CEO, your board members.

Talk with them, and listen to what they have to say. You want key players to get behind you, but the process of persuading almost always involves listening to their concerns before you try to convince them of your rationale. They may have insights you don't have or concerns you don’t know about until you reach out to them.

Note: Pretending to listen – going through the motions with no intention to take the other’s ideas seriously – is not listening. Most people can spot a phony.

Line up your support

In their book, Influence Without Authority, educators and consultants Allan R. Cohen and David L. Bradford suggest that you consider starting with

People you know or are pretty sure are supportive. “Early wins help.”
People whose support will bring others along with them.
People whose expertise can improve your case.
People who are likely to oppose you if you do not incorporate their demands.

Connect with employees and direct reports

Ultimately, you want buy-in from everyone, not just critical stakeholders. Depending upon the size of the company you may or may not have sufficient time to establish relationships with everyone, but do the best you can.

Easy ways to create rapport and build support

Preferably before you need people to support an initiative:

Invite people for a one-on-one, perhaps for coffee or to share an informal lunch.
Pause at somebody's work area and ask what they're working on, what is exciting to them, and what frustrates them. Ask: “How can I help? What do you need?”
If they are new in town – perhaps they’ve moved in order to work with you and your team - ask if they are comfortably settled, and how partners or family members are.
Take a minute to find common ground in personal interests – sports teams, music, etc. – and share your enthusiasm. “Did you see the game last night?” “Have you heard the new song?”

It doesn’t take a lot of time to show interest or say a kind word. Fostering positive, trusting relationships is an investment in creating buy-in.

On the other hand, if you only show up when you want something they will quickly get onto it, and their trust level will be damaged.

Influence, don’t push

The tendency among entrepreneurs is to focus almost exclusively on pushing their idea. But forcing things tends to create resistance. Creating buy-in is ultimately about influencing others, not making demands on them. It may require a little time to truly listen and take others’ concerns into consideration, but if you need to build support to get something done, or must work collaboratively with others over the long haul, it’s worth the investment.

Involve people in decision making

An effective way of creating buy-in with your team is to involve them in problem-solving and decision-making. Not every decision or problem requires consensus but involving people in problem solving, whether it's gathering relevant facts or getting suggestions for potential actions or approaches, is very useful. People love to feel that their opinions and insights are valued, i.e., that they are respected members of the team.

Keep people in the loop

Explain your decisions and share the rationale for your conclusions or actions. This helps people understand how you think about problems and empowers them to develop capability for independent decision-making. The more they can do that, the more you can trust them and the less you will feel the need to micromanage.

Inspiration generates buy-in

People need to know where the leader is leading them, and they need to feel that the destination is meaningful and attainable. Visionary Evangelists have a natural gift for painting a verbal and conceptual picture of their vision, delivered with enthusiasm, that draws people to want to follow their lead and makes them feel, “We can do this!”

Share your vision and keep it fresh

You have the big picture, and at least a partially developed long-term strategy, and you know what you need to have happen as you go forward. Your employees do not have this vision or understanding, unless you share it with them. One of the most powerful ways to generate buy-in is to paint that big picture, and repeatedly remind them of where you are going as an organization and how they can help.

Create an atmosphere of openness, not fear

If a leader is autocratic and intimidates or bullies people, it fosters the development of a culture of yes-men. Then you’ll never know what people are thinking, or what is really going on in your organization. If you want to elicit people’s best thinking and most committed action, you need to allow others’ voices to be heard. Create an atmosphere where people will bring forward their ideas. They will do that, if they believe you are really listening.

Try to take time for your people even when you feel you don’t have an y

A critical factor facing the entrepreneur that others may be blissfully unaware of is the sense of urgency he or she likely feels because funding is limited, the fuses are burning, and the runway is getting shorter. With this kind of pressure – with so much to accomplish in a short time frame – it feels impossible to take time soliciting people’s opinions and building support. Try to do it anyway.

Apologize if you screw up

If you snap at someone because of the pressure, apologize as soon as you can. “I’m sorry, the time crunch is getting to me. You didn’t deserve that. You’re doing a great job.” This will go a long way to soothe hurt feelings and build a stronger relationship with your team.

Model the values you expect others to follow

Creating buy-in starts with the first people you hire, and continues through all phases of the organization’s growth. You need to be sure that all the individuals are in alignment with the values and goals of your company. You can’t expect this to happen unless you make those goals and values clear, explain why they are important, and demonstrate them in your own behavior and relationships.

People will buy in to the project or plan if they trust the leader’s sincerity and are convinced he or she has the right people, resources, expertise, and managerial skill to bring the vision to life.

Integrity counts

People are naturally drawn to support and get behind a leader of integrity, who is trustworthy and respected. If a leader intentionally misleads people, chances are very strong that the truth will eventually come out, and from then on, trust and credibility will be damaged and the leader’s ability to get people to buy in will be undermined. Not being truthful and transparent, taking the easy way out of a difficult situation, may seem expedient in the moment, but this behavior ultimately amounts to self-sabotage.

People are not just “resources”

Many entrepreneurs are lacking in social awareness and may not consider the needs of others when they make decisions, or the impact their decisions will have on people. They see their employees as means to an end, as “resources,” they see them as part of a numbers calculation, but not as people. This may work for a little while, but it will fail in the long run.

Followers will be much more likely to buy in to the goals you set for the organization if they feel you are committed to their personal growth and advancement.

Be sure employees and team members are buying in from the get-go

Generating commitment and dedication will be an ongoing challenge for you as your organization evolves, new initiatives are on the table, and new people start appearing. It begins with finding, hiring, and inspiring the right people. For a startup it will be up to the entrepreneur, the one with the vision and passion, to craft a core leadership team whose members are not only expert in their area, but who share the vision and are on board with the goals and values that drive the company.

As you expand and need to take on more people, ask yourself:

Do they care about the company’s mission?
Do they understand the exceptionally hard work and long hours that will be required?
Do they see value in what the organization wants to create in the world?

You need to hear unambiguous Yes’s to these questions!

Obstacles to Creating Buy-in:

Communication Breakdown

One of the chief hang-ups preventing buy-in is that one or more of the parties has not clearly heard or fully understood the others’ position. From your side as the leader, you need to be sure

That your communication is clear, logical, data-driven when possible, and conveys the value of your initiative for all concerned, and
That you have truly listened and understood the opposing or counter-argument. Often, simply clarifying positions resolves opposition.

Clash of values/desires/expectations

If the positions are understood yet there is still a problem, look beneath the surface for different or opposing values, desired outcomes, or expectations. Clarify these as much as possible (this will require some time), and negotiate, trying to find ways for all parties to get something they value.

The hard sell doesn’t work

Most entrepreneurs are very strong-willed people who can be far more forceful and intimidating than they realize. Pushiness and bullying don't capture people's hearts, and without that deeper commitment, you can’t get the kind of motivation you need to sustain an effort.

Forcing compliance may work in the short run but not in the long run. Not only will people not put forth their best effort, they may come to resent you if they sense you are just pushing your own agenda.

Authoritarian leadership is a dinosaur

With reference to the Three Pillars model, creating buy-in is primarily a Relationship Builder skill set. Leaders who are accustomed to making demands without listening to their peers and subordinates are not good at it. If you don’t relate to people with at least some degree or warmth, caring, and approachability, you may find it hard to elicit support for your ideas, projects, and goals. Good relationship builders do have a natural advantage, but this is a skill that can be learned.

Summary and Recommendations for Creating Buy-In:

It’s not all about them

Contrary to what you might expect, creating buy-in is not only about persuading people to adopt your agenda. It actually starts with you: who you are, how you present yourself, and how you treat others. It requires knowing what you want - your goals, priorities, and resources.

Her combination of friendliness and professionalism helps her win over everyone.

Be clear on who you are and what you want

Before trying to present your idea or persuade others to get onboard with a plan or strategy, ask yourself, what is most important to you in this situation? Keep in mind your primary goal or core agenda. What do you need them to agree to or support, both immediately and in the future? What actions or changes do you want to see? What are your priorities? Think about what you are willing to give or trade to get what is most important to you.

Consider others’ needs, values, and priorities

Be aware that you may be working with people who have different goals and measures of success. Find out what they want and need. Learn what is driving them. Invest in understanding their needs and motivations in order to gain alignment and find mutually beneficial solutions.

He includes us at the inception of new initiatives. He really wants to know our thoughts.

Earn trust

If people sense that you are manipulating them and just going through the motions of openness to their input while pushing your own agenda, they're going to be much less likely to trust what you say. You build trust by being trustworthy – truthful, consistent, and ethical.

He is someone you feel you can trust. He has a reputation for sound decision-making and judgment. People just believe him.

He has earned the loyalty of his team by being clear, consistent, open, and reliable.

Listen and Adapt

Take the time to listen to your main stakeholders, discuss your proposed initiative, and reach consensus. You may need to adapt your approach based on learning what others want and what the forces are that are acting on them. Try to understand what is driving them and what or who may be influencing their goals and concerns.

He talks with all of his partners one-on-one on virtually every critical issue affecting the organization.

Her approach is very consultative, and she makes sure that she hears all viewpoints before she decides her next steps.

Ask for their support

Rather than make demands, ask for the support of all involved. Let them know that the success of what you are trying to achieve depends on their active and enthusiastic participation. Be sure they fully understand why this initiative is important, what is at stake, and how achieving the end you are proposing will benefit them as well as the organization.

I have seen him create buy-in by creating a sense of ownership in the whole project.
Everyone feels they have a stake in the success of the project.

Do your homework

Be prepared. Before talking to individuals or groups, think things through, know what you want to achieve, try to anticipate the opposition you may face, and make whatever notes you may need so you can give a powerful and persuasive presentation. Know not only what points you want to make, but how you want to state them. Get your facts straight and know the details.

What are you offering?

In return for their support and participation, what are you offering in exchange? Try to clarify what you can put on the table that may be of value, before sitting down to try to influence them. What can you trade for something they want or need? It could be expertise, information, or knowledge; it could be appreciation, gratitude, recognition, assistance, or support for a pet project; it could be financial or other resources like staff, equipment, or office space. Work toward a win-win solution.

See the Big Picture

Various stakeholders within your organization will have diverging agendas and demands. The bigger the organization, the more complex this becomes. You have to be the one who takes all the factions and points of view into consideration in order to come up with the solution that will be best for everyone. Don’t just charge ahead with your own plan before you truly consider what outcome the others are looking for, and what they will accept if they don’t get everything they want. And that goes for you, too.

Take a long-term view
Weigh the relative importance of getting the current task accomplished or initiative supported versus maintaining or building a long-term relationship with those you are trying to influence. You don’t want to win the battle and lose the war, alienating the other person or group. If there is a lot of opposition, ask yourself if you really need to win this one. They may be holding on to the status quo or have some other agenda that you need to overcome, or they might actually see consequences that you don’t.

Be open to their input. It will help a lot toward creating buy-in and achieving a positive outcome if you can show that you understand where they are coming from.

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Connection is How Leaders Earn the Truth

By Rich Hagberg • May 23, 2026

After many years of coaching leaders, I have learned something that should make every executive uncomfortable. People do not automatically tell leaders the truth. They tell leaders the version of the truth they think the leader can handle. If you are defensive, they edit. If you are impatient, they shorten. If you are dismissive, they soften. If you are punitive, they hide. If you are brilliant but emotionally clumsy, they may still respect you, but they will manage you. And once people start managing you, you are leading theater. The higher you go, the more people study you before they speak. They watch your face, listen to your tone, and adjust. They give you the headline without the emotional context. They bring you the problem after it has become unavoidable. They agree in the meeting and dissent in the hallway. That is how leaders lose contact with reality. Not all at once. Slowly. Politely. Professionally. With calendar invites. Connection Is Not About Being Liked Connection is not about becoming everyone's buddy. It is not about being endlessly available, emotionally gushy, conflict avoidant, or so supportive that no one knows whether you actually have standards. That is not leadership. That is codependence with a title. Connection is the ability to make another person feel seen, respected, and safe enough to tell you what is real. That is it. It does not require agreement, lowered standards, or meetings where everyone discusses feelings while the business quietly catches fire. People open up when they feel safe. People shut down when they feel judged, dismissed, humiliated, rushed, or corrected too quickly. Connection is not the opposite of performance. It is how you get access to the information that performance depends on. Every Organization Has a Truth Pipeline The question is whether reality moves through it cleanly or gets filtered on the way up. In a healthy culture, people tell the leader what they see early enough for it to matter. They raise concerns before the decision is locked. They disagree before the strategy fails. In an unhealthy culture, the truth gets laundered. Bad news becomes "some emerging concerns." Fear becomes "alignment issues." Resentment becomes "communication gaps." Lack of trust becomes "cross-functional friction." By the time the leader hears the truth, it has been professionally deodorized. Many leaders unknowingly create this problem. They say they want candor, but their behavior teaches caution. They interrupt, argue with feedback, explain too soon, punish bad news with irritation, and turn every concern into a debate. Then they wonder why people are not more transparent. Here is the simple answer: because transparency has not felt safe. Small Moments Decide Everything Connection is built in small moments, not grand declarations. At work, bids for connection sound ordinary: "Do you have a minute?" or "I may be wrong, but I see it differently." These are not just comments. They are tests. Every time someone reaches toward you, even slightly, your response teaches them what kind of relationship this is. You can turn toward, turn away, or turn against. Turning toward means you engage: "Tell me more," or "What are you seeing that I may be missing?" Turning away means you avoid the moment: "I'm busy," or "Let's not overthink this." Turning against means you respond with irritation, superiority, sarcasm, or contempt: "That makes no sense," or "We already covered this." Most leaders do not turn against people because they are trying to be cruel. They do it because they are busy, pressured, impatient, or convinced they already understand the issue. But the impact is the same. The person learns, "This is not safe." After enough experiences like that, people still communicate, attend meetings, and send updates. But the deeper truth goes underground. Listen for the Conversation Beneath the Conversation In every important conversation, there are usually two conversations happening. The first is the official conversation: the product launch, the missed deadline, the strategic decision. The second is the human conversation underneath it: Can I trust you? Is it safe to disagree? Do you actually want the truth? Disconnected leaders hear only the official conversation. Connected leaders listen for both. This does not mean they become therapists. It means they understand that people are not reasoning machines with job titles. They are status-sensitive, threat-sensitive, belonging-sensitive creatures trying to get work done while protecting themselves. If you ignore that layer, you misunderstand the meeting. The leader who misses the second conversation will often solve the wrong problem with great confidence. That is a specialty of very smart people. Make Contact Before You Make Your Point If you want people to tell you the truth, remember this rule: Make contact before you make your point. Before you explain, correct, defend, decide, or solve, show the person that you understand something about their experience. Not agree. Understand. You can say, "I can see why that would bother you," or "You are worried this decision will create confusion." Those statements do not require surrender. They require attention. Analytical leaders often resist this because they think understanding someone's emotion means endorsing their conclusion. It does not. You can understand someone and still disagree. You can validate the concern and still make a hard decision. But if you skip understanding, your eventual decision will feel imposed, even if it is correct. Connection first. Influence second. Reverse the order, and you may win the argument while losing access to the person. Stop Solving Too Soon Some leaders use problem-solving as a socially acceptable way to avoid contact. Someone says, "I'm overwhelmed." The leader says, "Let's reprioritize." That may be useful. But if you move there too quickly, the person may experience it as, "Please make your feelings operationally convenient." Solving too soon tells people, "Your emotional experience is a problem I want to make disappear." Listening first tells them, "Your experience matters to me." Before solving, ask one better question: "What are you worried I am not understanding?" Or the most important leadership question: "What am I missing?" That one shift creates space for truth. Contempt Kills Candor If there is one behavior that destroys connection fastest, it is contempt. Contempt says, "I am above you." It may be loud, but more often it is subtle: an eye roll, a sigh, a smirk, or a clipped tone. Contempt is especially dangerous in smart leaders because it can hide inside intelligence. The leader experiences himself as clear or efficient. The other person experiences being reduced. Once people feel contempt, they become careful, performative, and compliant instead of candid. If you want the truth, you have to become someone people can disagree with without feeling diminished. Repair Is How Trust Gets Rebuilt You will miss people. You will interrupt. You will get impatient. You will defend yourself. You will explain too soon. You will turn away when you should have turned toward. Welcome to the species. The goal is not perfection. The goal is repair. Repair is the moment when you notice a rupture and come back. "I came in too hard. Let me try that again." "I answered too quickly and missed what you were really saying." "I got defensive. Keep going." These sentences are not weakness. They are maintenance. People do not need you to be flawless. They need to know you can notice your impact and come back. The Real Payoff The payoff from connection is not that everyone likes you. This is leadership, not summer camp. The payoff is that people bring you more reality. They tell you what is happening sooner. They disagree before the mistake is baked in. They warn you when the culture is drifting. They admit confusion before execution fails. That is how connection improves results. It gives you better data. It lowers distortion. It deepens trust. It makes hard conversations possible. The deepest leadership question is not: "Did I make my point?" It is: "Did I earn the truth?" Because if people do not trust you with the truth, your intelligence will not save you. You will be making decisions from edited data and managing appearances. You will be leading the version of reality people think you can tolerate. And eventually, reality always wins. Connection is how leaders earn the truth. And the truth is what keeps leaders, companies, and relationships alive.

The Founder Who Can’t Learn Becomes the Bottleneck

By Rich Hagberg • May 19, 2026

Founder who stops learning does not usually look stupid. They look confident. Busy. Decisive. Certain. And increasingly wrong. That is what makes the problem so dangerous. I coach founders, studying personality, and watching them either scale or stal. I have become convinced that learning agility is one of the most important predictors of whether a founder can grow with the company they created. Not IQ. Not raw drive. Not technical skill. Not even prior success. Those things matter. But they are not enough. Because the reflexes that win at 10 people often stop working at 100. The decision-making speed that saved the company early can become recklessness at scale. The founder’s vision that once pulled everyone forward can become rigidity when the market changes. The control that created quality in the beginning can become the bottleneck that prevents the organization from growing up. The founder who succeeded through instinct now needs to succeed through systems. The founder who succeeded through force now needs to succeed through people. The founder who succeeded by being at the center now needs to build an organization that can function without everything going through them. That is where many founders get into trouble. They do not fail because they are unintelligent. They fail because they keep applying yesterday’s playbook with today’s authority. And when the results deteriorate, they rationalize. The market is confused. The team is weak. The investors are impatient. The customer does not get it. Maybe. But sometimes the real problem is simpler and more uncomfortable: The founder stopped learning. What Learning Agility Really Means Learning agility is not just being open-minded in theory. Plenty of leaders describe themselves as open-minded right up until someone disagrees with them. Learning agility is the capacity to absorb experience, update your assumptions quickly, and change your behavior without losing your center or your conviction. It means reality can still teach you. That sounds simple. It is not. Founders are often rewarded early for conviction, speed, intensity, and control. Those are useful traits when a company is fragile and every decision feels existential. But over time, the company changes. The job changes. The market changes. The team changes. The founder has to change too. Learning agility has several parts: Mental agility. The ability to think through complex problems and resist the gravitational pull of the first plausible answer. People agility. The ability to understand different kinds of people, read dynamics in real time, and adapt your approach. Change agility. A positive orientation toward novelty, uncertainty, and disruption rather than a defensive one. Results agility. The ability to deliver outcomes in first-time conditions where the old formulas do not apply. Self-awareness. The ability to perceive accurately how you are actually doing, not how you hope you are doing. That last one matters most. Because you cannot learn from experience if you cannot tell the truth about your own impact. Busyness Is Not Learning One of the great founder traps is confusing busyness with learning. You can be in a thousand new situations and learn nothing from any of them. You can raise money, hire executives, launch products, fight fires, open markets, lose customers, change strategy, and still not extract the lesson. That is not learning. That is motion with a calendar invite. Learning requires reflection. Not endless self-analysis. Not navel-gazing. Not journaling until everyone around you loses hope. Just disciplined reflection. After important events, decisions, conflicts, or surprises, ask yourself: What was I trying to accomplish? What actually happened? What is the gap? What does the gap suggest about my model of how things work? What will I do differently next time? Done weekly for a year, that practice alone can change a leader. Experience does not automatically make you wiser. Reflected experience does. How the Ego Turns Experience Into Repetition Here is where the problem gets deeper. The ego blocks learning agility at every stage, and it does so in ways most founders do not see coming. Start with the obvious. If you are identified with being right, feedback becomes a threat instead of data. You defend instead of inquire. You cherry-pick evidence that supports your existing view and discount what does not. The moment someone challenges your approach, your instinct is not curiosity. It is protection. But there is a deeper layer. Learning agility requires you to update your mental models quickly. That means letting go of the identity you built around the old model. Early success creates a story. “I am the visionary who sees what others miss.” “I am the decisive founder who trusts my gut.” “I am the one who knows what great looks like.” “I am the person who moves faster than everyone else.” That story may have been useful. It may even have been true. Until it wasn’t. When the market shifts and your gut starts failing, you now have a psychological problem, not just a business problem. Updating your strategy may feel like updating your identity. So you double down. You blame the team. You blame the market. You blame timing. You blame execution. Anything is easier than admitting that the operating system that got you here is now becoming a liability. The Insulation Problem As founders gain authority, they often lose access to reality. Employees defer more. They challenge less. They soften the truth. They try to read what the founder wants to hear. They nod. And once everyone is nodding, the founder may already be in trouble. This is what I call the insulation problem. The founder receives a curated version of what is actually happening, filtered through people who fear the founder’s reaction or want the founder’s approval. Meanwhile, the ego is getting reinforced constantly. You are the founder. You raised the money. You set the vision. You are in charge. The cruel irony is that self-awareness can regress during the exact period when the company most needs the founder to grow. The company is scaling. The role is changing. The stakes are higher. But the feedback loop is weaker. That is a dangerous combination. The Founder Derailers I See Most Often The specific derailers are painfully predictable. Founders who cannot tolerate ambiguity rush to certainty and then grip it. Founders who anchor on past success treat it as a blueprint for the future. Founders who are so action-oriented that they never reflect keep applying the same playbook and wondering why results are deteriorating. Founders who are loners by nature solve problems alone instead of drawing on the collective intelligence of the team. Founders who are overconfident genuinely believe they have less to learn than everyone else. Founders who treat disagreement as disloyalty train the organization to stop telling the truth. All of these are ego in motion. Each one protects an identity at the expense of learning. And each one makes the founder less adaptive right when the company most needs adaptation. What Agile Leaders Do Differently The best leaders remain connected to reality. That is not glamorous, but it is everything. They build practices that keep them humble about their own limits and curious about what is actually happening. They reflect consistently. Not quarterly at some beautifully facilitated offsite. Weekly. After real decisions. After real mistakes. After real surprises. They surround themselves with people who will challenge them. Not professional contrarians. Not cynics. Not people who enjoy being difficult. People whose judgment they trust and who feel safe enough to disagree. They stay close to the ground. The higher you rise, the more filtered the information becomes. Great leaders stay connected to customers, frontline reality, and the unpolished version of what is happening. They study outside their domain. A finance executive who studies design. A CEO who studies anthropology. A founder who reads about ecology, military strategy, or psychology. Cross-domain learning interrupts the default thinking of your primary field. And most importantly, they develop the capacity to observe their own mind. That is where meditation becomes practical. Not meditation as spa music for stressed executives. Meditation as observation. You sit quietly and watch the mind defend itself. You notice the urge to be right. You notice the fear of irrelevance. You notice the attachment to the old model. You notice the impatience that wants to skip the lesson and get back to action. That awareness creates space. And space is where adaptability lives. The Founder’s Real Test The old playbook does not announce that it has expired. It simply starts producing worse results. That is why founders have to keep learning before the evidence becomes humiliating. The founder who keeps learning can scale with the company. The founder who stops learning slowly becomes the constraint. Not because they lack intelligence. Not because they lack courage. Not because they lack work ethic. But because they are still running yesterday’s operating system in a company that now requires something more. Learning agility is not a nice-to-have leadership trait. It is the founder’s survival skill. The company will keep changing. The market will keep changing. The team will keep changing. The real question is whether the founder can change without feeling personally diminished by the need to change. That is the mark of a leader who can scale. Not the leader who is always right. The leader who can be corrected by reality and still stay strong. That is learning agility. And for founders, it may be the difference between building a company that grows and becoming the reason it stops.

Ego Is the Silent Killer of Leadership

By Rich Hagberg • May 9, 2026

After almost 50 years of coaching leaders, it’s time for me to be very honest about what I’ve seen. The ego has destroyed more leaders than incompetence ever did. That may sound harsh, but I have watched it happen too many times. Smart people. Talented people. Visionary founders. Hard-driving executives. People with charisma, intelligence, courage, ambition, and often a real desire to build something meaningful. Then success arrives. And success is where the ego really gets dangerous. When leaders are struggling, reality still has a vote. Customers complain. Investors push. Employees leave. The market humbles them. But once leaders gain power, money, status, and a circle of people who need something from them, reality gets quieter. People start editing the truth. They laugh at jokes that are not funny. They soften bad news. They call emotional reactivity “passion.” hey call micromanagement “high standards.” hey call arrogance “confidence.” They call avoidance “strategic patience.” And before long, the leader is no longer leading a company. They are leading a carefully managed psychological ecosystem designed to protect their self-image. That is when things get expensive. Ego Is Not Just Arrogance Most people think ego means arrogance. That is too simple. Ego is the mental picture you carry of who you are. Your role. Your competence. Your status. Your worth. Your story about what makes you special. It is not useless. Early in life, ego helps organize identity. It helps us function, strive, compete, and build. But here is the problem. The ego starts as a tool and quietly becomes the boss. At first, you use it to orient yourself. Later, you defend it like your life depends on it. If you are identified with being the smartest person in the room, disagreement feels like an attack. If you are identified with being the founder, criticism of the company feels like criticism of you. If you are identified with being decisive, uncertainty feels humiliating. If you are identified with control, delegation feels like loss. If you need admiration, honest feedback feels unbearable. And if you are identified with being a great leader, congratulations. You have just made it harder to become one. The Ego Is Always Looking for a Deal The hidden bargain beneath ego-driven leadership usually sounds like this: Uf I succeed enough, I will finally feel secure. If I am admired enough, I will finally feel worthy. If I control enough, I will finally feel safe. If I win enough, I will finally be beyond doubt. The problem is that the bargain never fully pays off. Achievement does not end the hunger. Often it intensifies it. The leader gets the title, the funding, the exit, the recognition, the keynote invitation, the glowing article, the larger house, the more impressive friends. And somehow the inner machinery keeps running. More proof. More control. More admiration. More winning. More reassurance. This is why some extremely successful leaders remain strangely restless, defensive, brittle, and dissatisfied. They have achieved enough to impress the world, but not enough to quiet the self they are trying to protect. That is not a moral failure. It is a psychological trap. And leadership gives that trap a very large stage. How Ego Distorts Leadership Here is the brutal part. The ego does not just make leaders annoying. It distorts judgment. When the ego feels threatened, the leader stops seeing clearly. They stop listening when challenged. They become rigid instead of adaptive. They surround themselves with people who agree with them. They take credit and avoid blame. They micromanage because they cannot trust others. They confuse being questioned with being disrespected. They interpret disagreement as disloyalty. They protect the image instead of examining the truth. The more power they have, the worse it gets. Not because power makes everyone corrupt, but because power reduces corrective feedback. People defer more. They challenge less. They wait to see what the leader wants to hear. The leader slowly loses contact with reality. This is the great danger of executive success. The external world starts confirming the internal illusion. The Founder Version Is Especially Dangerous Founders are particularly vulnerable because the company often begins as an extension of their identity. That is not all bad. In the early stages, a founder’s obsession can be essential. The company may need the founder’s force, conviction, stamina, and refusal to accept conventional limits. But what gets a company born can also keep it from growing up. When the founder is fused with the company, every problem becomes personal. A product critique feels like an insult. A senior hire’s independence feels like a threat. A board challenge feels like betrayal. Delegation feels like irrelevance. Operational discipline feels like bureaucracy. The founder says, “No one cares as much as I do.” That may be true. But sometimes what they really mean is, “No one validates my identity the way this company does.” That is a harder sentence to say out loud at a board meeting. The Great Leadership Question After all these years, I have become less interested in the surface behavior and more interested in the motive underneath it. Not just, “Why do you micromanage?” But: What are you trying to protect? Not just, “Why do you dominate meetings?” But: What happens inside you when someone else has the better idea? Not just, “Why do you avoid conflict?” But: What does disapproval threaten in you? Not just, “Why do you need to win?” But: Who would you be if you did not? That is where the work starts to get real. Most leaders do not change because someone gives them a better technique. They change when they see the hidden bargain they have been making with themselves. Self-Awareness Is Not Self-Absorption Some leaders resist this work because they think inner development is soft, indulgent, or irrelevant to results. That is nonsense. Self-awareness is not sitting around admiring your emotional complexity. It is the discipline of seeing what is actually driving you before it drives the company off the road. A leader who cannot observe their own defensiveness will call it conviction. A leader who cannot observe their fear will call it urgency. A leader who cannot observe their need for admiration will call it culture building. A leader who cannot observe their control needs will call it accountability. Self-awareness is not ornamental. It is operational. It determines whether you can hear bad news, accept feedback, delegate authority, admit mistakes, make clean decisions, and separate the mission from your own self-image. What Actually Helps When ego is running the show, insight alone is not enough. You can understand your patterns intellectually and still be captured by them under pressure. I have seen brilliant leaders explain their own dysfunction with great sophistication and then repeat it 20 minutes later. So the work has to become practical. First, notice the pattern in real time. When you feel defensive, name it silently. I am defending. I am trying to win. I am afraid of looking incompetent. I am trying to control the room. That small act creates space. You are no longer completely fused with the reaction. Second, use feedback as inquiry, not verdict. When someone gives you hard feedback, do not rush to decide whether it is accurate. Ask: What part of me feels threatened by this? What self-image am I defending? What might I see if I were not protecting myself? That shifts feedback from judgment to information. Third, meditate. Not because you need to become serene, spiritual, or annoyingly calm in a linen shirt. Meditation trains the basic leadership muscle most leaders lack: the ability to observe the mind without immediately obeying it. You notice the tightening in your chest when someone questions you. You notice the urge to defend before the other person has finished the sentence. You notice the story your mind creates to protect your image. In that noticing, there is freedom. Fourth, practice non-doing. This is radical for founders and high achievers. Sit for 10 minutes. Do not optimize. Do not plan. Do not solve. Do not check your phone. Do not turn stillness into a productivity hack. Just sit there and watch how uncomfortable it is to not be becoming something. That discomfort is data. It shows you how addicted the ego is to motion, improvement, fixing, proving, and control. The Real Shift The goal is not to kill the ego. Good luck with that. Also, you need a functioning self to lead. The goal is to stop being unconsciously governed by it. You can still be ambitious. You can still be decisive. You can still be competitive. You can still build something enormous. But your ambition does not have to be compulsive. Your confidence does not have to be fragile. Your leadership does not have to be a 24-hour defense system for your identity. That is when ego becomes something you can use rather than something that uses you. And that is when leadership matures. The deepest leadership question is not: How do I become more powerful? It is: What is my power serving? Because if your power is serving your ego, the company will eventually pay the bill. And so will you.

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