The Relationship Builder Leader Part 1

I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today  it means getting along with people. - Gandhi

Leadership is the art of creating followers. It is not a solo performance, but a partnership, a dance between leaders and their followers. I may think of myself as a leader, but if I go charging up the hill shouting and carrying the flag and no one follows – am I a leader or a fool? To be effective, leaders must gain the support of others.
Another way to say this is that leaders work through others. However grand the vision of the leader may be, he or she cannot bring it to fruition without the commitment and participation of many others.
To bring people along, I can threaten them, I can coerce, manipulate or buy their allegiance. If I am a Visionary Evangelist, I can inspire them with the power of my vision.
Or, I can build a bond with them and engage them with my approachable style and respectful, considerate behavior. I can demonstrate that I care about them by sitting down and talking, listening to what they say, responding to their concerns, appreciating their good work, and being more socially aware and supportive so that they want to work with me and for me.
This is the art of leadership as practiced by the Relationship Builder. It is a way of being and behaving that involves cultivating relationships, accurately reading people, understanding their needs, listening to their input, negotiating mutually beneficial agreements, and building cohesive teams, strong customer relationships, and strategic partnerships.
It is a fact of life today that many tech entrepreneurs were not socially skillful growing up, and disappeared into the world of computers and gaming. For many of them, relationships are a mystery and a foreign land. And yet, “in organizations, real power and energy are generated through relationships,” says Margaret Wheatley, author of the influential book, Leadership and the New Science. “The patterns of relationships and the capacities to form them are more important than tasks, functions, roles, and positions.” 
Unlike the more flashy and out-in-front Visionary Evangelists, Relationship Builders often operate more quietly and behind the scenes. They don’t crave the spotlight, and are more concerned with empowering employees, building buy-in and consensus, and fostering team spirit, than crusading for an idea or a product.
What are the qualities and skills that make Relationship Builders successful? What holds them back? How is their role different from Visionary Evangelists and Managers of Execution, and how can they make their greatest contributions to the organizations they work in and lead?
Importance of the Relationship Builder

Leadership has everything to do with how you relate to others and the quality and texture of those relationships. The higher up you go in an organization, the less important your technical skills become and the more your interpersonal skills matter. Source: Scott Edinger, “Three Ways Leaders Make Emotional Connections," Harvard Business Review, October 2, 2012 https://hbr.org/2012/10/three-ways-leaders-make-an-emo
Relationship Builders (RB) are the “heart” of every organization. They are the ones people come to when they “need to talk,” whether about a business problem, a difficult relationship, the political dynamics at the office, career decisions, or personal crises. Leaders with RB skills and qualities are accessible and inspire loyalty and trust. They speak warmly and make people feel valued and safe. Their openness and sensitivity create a comfortable, supportive, “family” feeling on the teams they lead. They succeed by forging a personal connection with followers, winning their respect as well as their loyalty, and drawing them into a collaborative, cohesive unit.
“Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.” - Daniel Goleman
In the entrepreneurial stages of a company, Visionary Evangelists (VE) envision something new – creating an innovative product idea, launching a new business approach. They paint the picture that draws in investors and sets the wheels in motion. However, for the organization to grow and scale, the leader needs loyal and committed followers: people to take on the hundreds and thousands of tasks required to make things happen.
The passion and eloquence of the VE are often sufficient to kick things off, but when the initial enthusiasm wears thin, when internal conflicts arise, when the company faces lean times financially, or leadership takes a new direction and people are having a hard time adjusting, it is often Relationship Builders who possess the skill to overcome the crisis. Good listeners, they will meet with the doubting and disgruntled and allow them to voice their concerns, then patiently explain the reason for the change and how it will be good for the entire organization and everyone in it. They have an innate gift for reading people, responding to their needs and fears, and getting their buy-in.
A big part of the magic of the Relationship Builder is that in the often impersonal world of business, they take a more personal approach. To them, you are not a “human resource,” a number, or an “asset,” but an individual. RBs know how to turn this more personal approach into a competitive advantage. Leaders who grow a sustainable organization understand that building relationships with customers and employees is a major factor in their success.
RB’s genuinely care about others. They don’t resent spending time cultivating relationships. They don’t see people appearing at their door with a question as interrupting them from doing “real work.” They embrace it as an important part of their job. They listen, empathize, mediate, support, and in general serve as the glue that holds the organization together. 
They do all this partly because it is natural for them, but also because they see clearly the strategic value of leveraging the hands, hearts, and minds of other people in order to get things done.
“Business is of, by, about, and for people,” said former CEO and author James A. Autry. People are crucial to getting results and problems with people are the biggest obstacles to getting results. According to a recent article on office politics, Eighteen percent or more of a leader’s time – more than nine weeks out of every year – is spent resolving conflicts among employees.
Neither Visionary Evangelists, with their heads in the clouds of inspiration, nor Managers of Execution, with their eyes narrowly focused on results and the necessary details and processes, are renowned for their people skills. Therefore, people who have those skills are a critical part of every leadership and management team.
Relationship Building: A Vital Role in 21st Century Business

The leader who excels at relationship building has an increasingly crucial role to play in today’s team-intensive, interconnected and interdependent business world. With a diverse workforce to manage, expectations of each new generation of employees that their jobs be sources of meaning as well as livelihood, and a complex web of relationships with employees, customers, board members, investors, vendors, and the media to navigate, the job of the leader has more to do with relationships than ever before.
From business to government to religious institutions, today's organizations function on the basis of interdependent teams and partnerships. Now, as Peter Drucker has pointed out, “teams become the work unit rather than the individual.” Leaders must work with teams of specialists in various aspects of the organization – finance, product, marketing, engineering, etc. These cross-functional teams, as well as collaborations between business units and alliances with other organizations, have become the norm. An effective leader in the 21st century has to build teams, motivate them, guide their activities, and have the skill to pilot them through their inevitable ups and downs.
“Our priorities in business are changing, and it’s now more clear than ever that the quality of our relationships with our colleagues, our clients, and our competitors is key to the success of our businesses and of our individual careers.” -- Ronna Lichtenberg, author of It's Not Business It's Personal
EQ vs. IQ

How important are emotional intelligence and the social skills we are discussing? Here are some recent research findings:

• 85% of people are fired because they cannot get along with others; only 15% are fired because they lack competence. (My research at HCG showed that executives in trouble had significantly higher IQs than CEOs or best leaders, but much lower social and emotional intelligence.)
• IQ accounts for no more than 25%, and perhaps as little as 4% of the variance in job performance; it contributes no more than about 20% to success in life.
• Social and emotional abilities are four times more important than IQ in determining professional success and prestige.
• Leaders who are able to establish mutual trust, respect, and rapport are more effective.
• People who perceive, understand, and empathize with other people’s emotions are more successful in their professional as well as their personal lives.
• Forget the drill sergeant stereotype. The most effective leaders in the U.S. Navy tend to be “warmer, outgoing, emotionally expressive, dramatic, and sociable.” Source: Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph.D., Workshop Material on Emotional Intelligence.

Every day, leaders have to work with and through others, often people from different parts of the organization over whom they have no formal authority. You may head up a Marketing team, but you cannot get the job done without collaboration with Engineering and Product. You can’t just say, “Do it!” – you have to create buy-in; you have to work it out. In the words of Ken Blanchard, "The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority."
These changing trends are bringing the business practices and cultures of the Western world more in the direction of the East. Debashis Chatterjee, a consultant and educator named in a recent year by Harvard Business School as one of the top thought leaders in the world, points out that leadership in Eastern societies is often driven by the attempt “to bring harmony in human relationships." In these cultures, says Chatterjee, "the age-old human value of harmony still serves as the core leadership principle in politics and business.”
Let’s look now at what our research at HCG over the past three decades has revealed about the characteristic strengths and challenges of the Relationship Builder. First, a quick preview to give you a map of the territory:
Relationship Builders – Their Strengths

• Create a “family” feeling and strong teamwork by encouraging cooperation, mutual trust, open communication, harmony and a sense of “shared fate”
• The “heart” of every organization: put people before task and profit
• Friendly and approachable: value, care about, and enjoy people
• Masters of building relationships with employees, customers, and partners
• Trusting and trustworthy: Try to do the right thing and believe others will do the same
• See the best in people and bring it out through praise, support and coaching
• Build followership and personal loyalty by showing they understand and care
• Sensitive to employee feelings, needs, concerns and perspectives
• Listen, solicit input, adapt and encourage sharing of ideas
• Easygoing, happy, upbeat and even-tempered
• Socially astute: understand what makes people tick
• Diplomatic and build effective partnerships and alliances
• Know how to get employee buy-in and engagement

Relationship Builders – Their Weaknesses

• Focus more on creating harmonious relationships than on getting results
• Too nice, hard for them to say “no” and make tough people decisions
• Too tolerant of poor performance and don’t hold people accountable: Too patient and accepting
• Can over-rely on their charm and social skills and fail to develop enough intellectual depth in presenting their ideas and messages
• Not very creative: Their attention is focused externally, and they may not take the time for reflection and idea generation. And they don’t like to upset the applecart.
• •hey may be too focused on their organization and not place enough attention on market conditions
• Make poor presentations: don’t take the time to reflect and give serious thought
• Avoid conflict: strong aversion to disharmony and displeasing people
• Not forceful, take-charge leaders