SETTING THE CONDITIONS FOR SUCCESS
The Relationship Builder is one of the Three Pillars of Leadership (Visionary Evangelist, Relationship Builder, and Manager of Execution.) In this section we will discuss the natural characteristics and strong points of people who are good relationship builders. In the final section we’ll discuss their weaknesses and challenges and make some suggestions for improvement.
Friendly and approachable
The first thing that needs to be said about Relationship Builders is that these are genuinely nice people. They are warm and welcoming, open, and non-judgmental. They tend to see the best in people, and treat everyone with respect and consideration. They have kind and sympathetic natures and give people their full attention. Their reward is that they are well liked by almost everyone.
“Lou is very easy-going and approachable,”
a direct report said.
“He has a warm and friendly personality and is instantly liked. I can't think of anybody who doesn't like him.”
Relationship Builders value and enjoy people, and devote a substantial amount of time and attention to cultivating relationships. From an early age, people are drawn to them and feel comfortable with them, not only because of their amiable personalities, but because their way of relating to others is forthright and respectful. They care about people, and are sensitive to their needs, concerns, and perspectives.
“John projects a feeling of caring and concern.” “He demonstrates his caring by being an excellent listener.”
Open to input from others
You can share your problems, your feelings, and your dreams with a Relationship Builder, who will listen attentively.
“She has a heart of gold and is a genuinely good human being. She always finds a way to take time for you with helpful words and support.”
This does not mean they are softies, incapable of making the tough decisions leaders sometimes have to make.
“He has been willing to make many difficult and painful decisions. But, he has remained the same kind, thoughtful, helpful leader.”
Relationship Builders see the best in people, and treat everyone with respect and consideration.
You can also share your ideas and opinions. As managers and leaders, RB’s show their respect for others by being open to their ideas and views, even if different from their own. Often they actively solicit input from their peers and subordinates. “
What do you think about this?”
they will ask.
“Will it work on your team?”
And because they are warm personalities who are not intimidating, people are not afraid to speak up and volunteer their opinions.
Relationship Builders are rarely anxious, and rarely react defensively or with anger. Also, they are not overly competitive socially; it’s more important to them to have a relationship of cooperation and harmony, a feeling of “family” or “team,” than to come out on top of the heap. Because of these factors, they don’t leave a trail of hurt feelings behind them.
Socially skillful and astute
Another key to the RB personality and leadership style is that they are socially astute: they know what makes people tick. They are experts at accurately reading people, understanding their motivations, and correctly gauging their reactions. They are sensitive to others’ feelings and quick to adjust their approach to fit the other person’s mood, need, or style. They not only understand individuals, they also grasp the “politics” and social dynamics of work groups and the organization as a whole.
It’s not just intelligence that makes a good leader. You also have to understand people: how they feel, what makes them tick, and the best way to influence them.
Relationship Builders also have outstanding social skills. They listen attentively and don’t interrupt. They hear what is being said, and when they don’t understand, ask questions to clarify meaning. They communicate their interest and create a bond by offering feedback that shows that they understand and care. Their words and responses tend to be carefully chosen and diplomatic. They know what to say to win friends – and not create enemies. Their approach rarely puts people off and is effective in enlisting support and buy-in.
RB leaders recognize, praise, and reward others for good performance.
“Ron has a talent for making people feel important, and he genuinely cares,”
one grateful employee said of his boss.
“Unlike other people I’ve worked for who only let you know when you screw up, he takes the time to thank us when we do a particularly good job.”
Everyone likes to be appreciated. The lesson here? Leaders who express gratitude for a job well done not only encourage better performance, but also inspire loyalty and engagement.
Trusting and trustworthy
Trust is one of the building blocks of the RB style. To them, the world is a safe place, and people are basically good. They assume people are trustworthy and sincere and will do as they say. They have faith that others are not interested in doing them harm. This tendency to trust reflects back on them, earning them the respect and trust of others.
“In my experience, in direct relationships Diana has never been anything but open, friendly, and approachable,”
one executive said of his colleague.
“She extends trust in all her interactions, and therefore usually receives it.”
One reason people perceive Relationship Builders as eminently trustworthy is that RB’s are often what we call in our research a “model of values” – that is, they have high moral and ethical standards, and consistently try to live up to them. Their behavior reflects high principles. They try to be just and fair, including the willingness to take responsibility for their mistakes rather than blaming others when things go wrong.
They are forthright, sincere and genuine, and have no hidden agenda. With them, “what you see is what you get,” so you can trust what they say and the image they project.
“Chuck’s sincerity makes him trustworthy,”
a team member reported.
“He can be taken for his word. In a short time, he has built trust in the team by being straightforward and direct about his expectations.”
RB’s are also adept at modeling the principles and values central to the organization’s culture and mission. For them, the company’s Mission Statement is not just a bunch of fine words, but a standard to uphold. They set the bar high for themselves in terms of dedication, hard work, energy, and commitment. As one reviewer said of his boss, “Anthony has a strength of character and personality which attracts folks and makes them cooperative.”
They know how to get buy-in and build followership
To accomplish their agenda, leaders need the help of others. The larger and more ambitious the enterprise, the more indispensable are the time, energy, efforts, and support of many people. The leader who cannot get support for his or her initiatives will become frustrated and will inevitably fail.
Today’s leaders have to contend with an increasingly savvy and mobile workforce. Smart, talented employees are prepared to explore alternative employment opportunities and willing to move on if they are not treated with respect. Loyalty was once a core value that made people reluctant to risk changing jobs and careers. In an age of layoffs, mergers, and start-ups, individuals have learned that they must look out for their own interests and career development. Leaders can no longer take employee retention for granted; they have to earn the loyalty of their workforce and develop skills to achieve buy-in to their agendas.
They create a feeling of shared fate
One of the best ways to engage followers is by developing a sense of common purpose and shared fate, the feeling that “We’re all in this together.” When people feel this way, they become willing to rise to any challenge, endure hardships, and make personal sacrifices (such as working long hours, accepting deferred financial reward, etc.) for the cause.
Leaders who inspire this level of engagement get maximum leverage to accomplish their objectives. Visionary Evangelists can generate this sense of common purpose through the force of their vision and persuasive power. Managers of Execution do it through their efficiency, perseverance, and determination to get the job done right. Relationship Builders achieve it in a more humble and personal way – by encouraging others, lifting spirits, and drawing people together as a caring family.
History serves up numerous examples of leaders who worked their magic in engaging followers. Hundreds of thousands of Frenchmen marched on foot through the perils of a Russian winter in support of their beloved leader, Napoleon Bonaparte. They were captivated by his vision of bringing the ideals of the French Revolution – “liberté, égalité, fraternité” – to the peoples of Europe. But it wasn’t his vision alone: Napoleon was renowned for his ability to make a personal connection with his soldiers.
Snapshot: Sir Richard Branson, A highly successful Relationship Builder
“Put Your Staff First”
Adventurer, entrepreneur, and best-selling author, Richard Branson’s Virgin Group of 400 companies is one of the world’s most recognized brands. Like many other Relationship Builder leaders, he believes strongly in putting employees first:
"If the person who works at your company is 100% proud of the job they're doing, if you give them the tools to do a good job, if they're treated well, then they're gonna be smiling, they're gonna be happy and therefore the customer will have a nice experience.
“If the person who's working for your company is not given the right tools, is not looked after, is not appreciated, they're not gonna do things with a smile and therefore the customer will be treated in a way where often they won't want to come back for more.. So, my philosophy has always been, if you can put staff first, your customer second and shareholders third, effectively, in the end, the shareholders do well, the customer s do better, and you yourself are happy."
They excel at building and leading teams
“To sustain the inspiration that comes from leadership, you need teamwork… A team of stars does not make a star team unless the stars draw the best from each other and work as a team.” – Debashis Chatterjee
Teamwork – functional and cross-functional, within organizations and between networks of organizations, is a central fact of corporate life today. As leadership guru Warren Bennis noted, “The Lone Ranger is dead. Instead of the individual problem solver we have a new model for creative achievement.” Anyone who aspires to effective leadership today must – by nature or by training – know how to build and pilot teams.
Relationship Builders are particularly effective here. They understand the value of bringing people together to solve problems, make decisions and plans, and take collective action. They enjoy working with others and know how to get people cooperating and communicating. Putting together collaborative work relationships and structuring a harmonious work environment comes naturally to them.
This contrasts with
Visionary Evangelists, who conceive of themselves as the “go-to” person, the star of the show. VE’s are typically not interested in listening to others’ points of view or hammering out compromises and mutually acceptable plans and goals: they want things to be done their way!
Similarly,
Managers of Execution are often unwilling to relinquish control, power, or authority. They are quite certain that they know best how to do it: whatever it may be. Relationship Builders are comfortable not taking center stage or being in control – actually, they prefer it that way. They are good team players, naturally supportive to others, and quite willing to pitch in and do whatever’s needed in order to get results.
Here are six ways
Relationship Builders
contribute to the successful functioning of teams:
A successful alliance has to be structured so that everybody wins – or they simply won’t play the game. This calls upon all the Relationship Builder’s social awareness, social intelligence, and social adroitness. These skills do not go unnoticed by others.
“Cindy’s greatest strength is her ability to build and cultivate relationships, which pave the way for harmonious work between organizations and people. She is good at breaking walls down.”
Snapshot: Herb Kelleher, founder and long-time CEO of Southwest Airlines.
Herb Kelleher’s people-centered philosophy of running a business is almost a textbook model of the Relationship Builder. In answer to the often-asked question, “Who comes first, your employees, your shareholders, or your customers?” Kelleher’s response was similar to Sir Richard Branson’s, quoted above: “Your employees come first. If your employees are satisfied and happy and dedicated and inspired by what they’re doing, then they make your customers happy and they come back, and that makes your shareholders happy.” He instructed Southwest employees, “Don’t worry about profit. Think about customer service. Profit is a by-product of customer service.”
Skilled at negotiation
Leaders have to negotiate all the time. It goes with the territory. You have to negotiate with vendors, customers, partners, employees, board members, unions, other functions or units, bankers and venture capitalists, etc. In any negotiation, the Relationship Builder’s ability to understand others’ needs, communicate diplomatically, and build trust, is priceless.
They put people before task
The pressure to accomplish goals and get financial results drives many leaders to view time spent cultivating relationships as a distraction and even a waste. Some Visionary Evangelists and Managers of Execution become so focused on achieving their objectives that they disregard or damage relationships by treating people as little more than means to the organization’s ends.
By contrast, Relationship Builders allocate a substantial portion of their time and attention to people. They not only take an active interest in people’s needs, growth, and career development, but they are also careful not to undermine relationships with the very people they will need to help them accomplish their objectives. They realize that in order to work through others, you have to pay attention to them. You need to invest in building relationships of trust. You need to make connections. Thus, they view relationship building as a vital part of organizational strength and effectiveness.
Many Relationship Builders do not live and breathe their jobs. They work hard; they are conscientious and have a strong sense of responsibility. But they also have a better than usual work-life balance. Relationships, whether
with family, friends or co-workers are of equal or even greater importance to them.
Part of what makes RB’s so well-liked by colleagues and co-workers is that they relate to others on a fundamental human level.
“Steve always makes time to listen to my concerns,”
a manager said of his boss,
“and with his busy schedule, this is not always easy or convenient. No matter who you are, you always feel welcome in his office to come in and talk to him.”
In the personality assessment tools that we have developed at HCG, Relationship Builders consistently score lower on items which indicate a dominant need for high achievement, such as the desire to be the best in their field. Sure, they have risen to be leaders because of their track record of effectiveness, but they are not compulsively driven.
What does motivate them? Making people happy. Fulfilling their responsibility. Doing what is right. Being liked by others. Creating an environment that is harmonious.
Because of this, leaders who are Relationship Builders command a great deal of loyalty in their followers. RB’s make people feel appreciated and a vital part of a team. They put their people first, and their people know it.
Snapshot: John Chambers – Outstanding Example of a Two-Pillar Leader
John Chambers is an outstanding example of a Two-Pillar leader – strong as a Visionary Evangelist and a Relationship Builder. As one publication put it, he has been praised
“worldwide for his visionary strategy, his ability to drive an entrepreneurial culture, and his warm-hearted, straight-talking approach.”
On the entrepreneurial side, Chambers piloted Cisco (according to Wikipedia “one of the biggest global networking companies, growing from a seller of switches and routers to a provider of complex telecommunications, cybersecurity, and networking solutions”) from 300 employees and $70 million in annual revenue to more than 30,000 employees and $20 billion in revenue in less than ten years, ultimately growing to $47 billion and for a time ranking as the most valuable company on the face of the earth!
At the same time Chambers was widely known for building a corporate culture that genuinely cared for employees, and those who know him say that he exemplified those corporate values in his personal behavior. According to Cassandra Frangos, a Cisco executive who worked with Chambers, “He thought of everybody at Cisco as family, and he would request to have a list every day of any critical family health situations. So if you had a mother, a father, a child or somebody very close to you and your family who was critically ill or had some serious disease where they really needed some help, John would call the CEO of Stanford Medical or the CEO of Massachusetts General Hospital to say, ‘I have an employee. Their family needs help. I need to make a difference in their lives."
In an article about Chambers, Chief Executive said, “the company’s strength isn’t about technology. It’s about values, culture, and an organization built around speed and change. In mastering the soft skills, Chambers, a naturally empathetic communicator, is more coach than boss—and the archetype of future business leadership.”
Snapshot: “Mother of the company” Indra Nouyi leads PepsiCo to new heights
Long-time president and then CEO of PepsiCo, Indra No uyi grew the company’s revenue from $35 billion to over $63 billion during her 24 year tenure, while making many bold acquisitions. The company, which employs over 290,000 people wordwide, now includes more than 23 brands that each earn more than $1 billion annually, including Tropicana juices, Gatorade, Sabra humus dips, and Quaker Oats products like granola bars and rice cakes.
Yet with all her well-recognized visionary and managerial skills, Nouyi is best understood as a Relationship Builder, called by one observer,
“mother of the company.”
Steven Reinemund, PepsiCo CEO before Nouyi and then dean of the business school at Wake Forest University, described her as
"a deeply caring person" who"can relate to people from the boardroom to the front line."
They are excellent coaches and mentors
Relationship Builders have an authentic impulse to help others grow and succeed. They not only encourage, but use their position to provide training, or to move people to areas where they are most likely to thrive. This unleashes the potential in others and helps them advance their career. He is always positive about people’s potential and committed to their growth. He has motivated me to be a better professional and better human being.
The Relationship Builders’ natural ease and skill with people and their willingness to help others develop their careers or improve performance, make them excellent coaches and mentors – a valuable asset for any organization. They are patient teachers as well as caring friends and colleagues.
In your interactions with others, if someone is stuck, discouraged, unmotivated, stressed, anxious, confused, you can probably be helpful simply by asking,
They are genuinely empathetic
Relationship Builders are typically big-hearted, empathetic, and enjoy meeting others’ needs. They sense how other people will feel and react, and thus hate to deliver bad news. But their ability to empathize and their concern for their people often puts them between a rock and a hard place.
Like all leaders, Relationship Builders want to get the job done effectively and deliver results. They feel an obligation to customers, investors, and the bottom line. Being who they are, they never want to meet these obligations by damaging the dignity, feelings, or well-being of others. Yet, in order to drive a project to completion, it is often necessary to push others, and to make tough decisions. Thus, they may find themselves conflicted when the need for getting results comes at the expense of employees.
If the company is in trouble, for example, leaders may have to downsize, or replace long-time employees with people who have more skill or experience. For most Visionary Evangelists and Managers of Execution, these are unfortunate situations that simply have to be dealt with, though they may have to steel themselves a little before taking drastic action.
“These layoffs are going to help us survive,”
they’ll tell themselves.
“Even though it may create some unhappiness, that’s the way it has to be.”
Relationship Builders will
always
have a hard time making tough people decisions. They may take the necessary action, but it doesn’t come without a price. They feel torn between their loyalty to the organization and their loyalty to the individuals with whom they have formed a bond of teamwork and trust – and they may become quite stressed by this internal conflict.
Optimistic, Upbeat attitude
Relationship Builders describe themselves as happy, upbeat people, which is generally how others see them. They tend to be optimists who believe things will get better, natural, unfeigned positive thinkers who are likely to see opportunities where others see obstacles and problems. They see the good side of life and of the people they interact with.
“Marty is refreshing in his approach to people,” an executive said about his colleague. “He is cheerful and optimistic and always sees the glass as half full as opposed to half empty. He’s able to laugh in hard times without losing sight of completing difficult tasks.”
Subjective reports like that are nice, but there are also stacks of research studies that show that optimism is a great predictor of high performance. For example, the scores of 500 freshmen at the University of Pennsylvania on a test of optimism vs. pessimism were a better predictor of their actual grades than their SAT scores or high school grades. Another study showed that new salesmen who were optimists sold 37% more in their first two years on the job than pessimists.
Our work with leaders has delivered similar results. Of the 46 leadership dimensions we currently measure on our 360 degree evaluations, 45 are positively correlated with optimism: as optimism increases, these 45 measures (from adaptability and decisiveness to strategic focus and visionary thinking) also go up.
They are even-tempered
"In all of the years I've known Tanaka, I have never seen him rattled, angry, or confrontational. Only once did I ever see him frustrated and even then he was able to manage the situation in a positive manner without allowing it to degrade to confrontation.”
Comments like this are common in the 360 degree assessments of people who are Relationship Builders.
Why is this important? As the leader,
“when you stay calm, the people around you are less likely to panic and the situation you’re dealing with is less likely to spin out of control,”
according to John Chambers.
Relationship Builders are not likely to blow up or get in arguments. It takes a lot to get them upset. Even in times of high stress, they usually manage to avoid unproductive confrontations. “Chris is very even-tempered,” said one peer reviewer. “He doesn't swing to right or left. He is a pleasure to work with.” Even if they feel upset inside, they keep their cool and seldom act without thinking.
Psychologists might label this behavior “conflict avoidance,” and to some extent they would be correct. RB’s typically do desire to have everybody approve of them, so they don’t want to ruffle any feathers or damage any relationships. The downside of this, is that they may be too tolerant and easygoing in leadership positions, and not sufficiently demanding of top-level performance. We will discuss this further in the concluding section.
People are not intimidated by RB’s, or feel they have to be on their guard around them. Even when RB‘s are in high leadership positions, colleagues and reports are not afraid to voice their opinions and concerns. RB’s rarely react defensively, even to critical feedback, and they are not predisposed toward retaliation.
They are also not very susceptible to anxiety. They are not worriers. This reflects their optimistic nature. If you figure things are going to work out well – why worry?
Visionary Evangelists and Managers of Execution often have expectations and models of how things are going to turn out. When there’s a gap between expectation and reality – when life doesn’t conform to the picture they’ve been carrying around in their heads – they often lose their patience, blame others, or flare up in anger. RB’s rarely do that. The most flexible and adaptable of the Pillars, they “go with the flow.” They have an air of acceptance about them that people are attracted to.
At their best, RB’s trust life and accept what is.
They are flexible
Relationship Builders seem to be born with a high degree of adaptability. They listen to what others have to say, and are open to input. Just because they have seen things one way and pursued one course of action, doesn’t mean they won’t listen to other opinions or consider other options. This attitude of openness and flexibility makes for smoother interactions within teams and organizations.
One reason RB’s are willing to be so adaptable is that they do not like to fight. They would rather accommodate than set up battle lines. To maintain harmony, they will adjust themselves to different people and situations. This is partly strategic. RB’s understand that you can get more with honey than with vinegar, and if they run into obstacles with one line of action, they will readily adapt to achieve their ends.
But when does being adaptable shift into being too adaptable? There are times to discuss and negotiate, and times when the leader must simply draw a line and demand that people do whatever is required in order to secure an achievement. Relationship Builders have trouble doing this. They are not always willing to put a stake in the ground and stand firm. They don’t want to say “yes” to one side at the expense of saying “no” to the other. They don’t want to disappoint anyone. This can be a problem for them, and for the organization.
They are adept at resolving conflict
Relationship Builders have a natural skill that is highly important and even necessary for maximum functionality of any organization: helping to resolve conflicts. Because of their social skills and ability to mediate, they are good at facilitating dialog between people who might be in conflict.
All teams have moments of distrust and disunity, especially when they feel stuck and frustrated. People point fingers, blame others, and anger just below the surface may rise up in confrontation. In such situations, the RB’s natural interpersonal expertise and the trust people have in them can be called upon. If anyone can get people talking, so that problems can be put on the table to be looked at openly and resolved, they are the ones who can do it.
They are great listeners
One of the key factors that make Relationship Builders so effective (and so well liked and respected) is that they have outstanding listening skills. They pay attention. They are open and receptive to others’ thoughts, needs, and concerns. This aptitude shows up with great frequency on 360-degree multi rater assessments, as the following comments show.
He is an excellent listener who does not interrupt people when they speak. He waits for his turn to raise questions and shows a lot of interest in all matters concerning the organization's well-being.
How do you stack up against these standards? Are you patient when others speak, and wait until they are finished before you begin? Or do you frequently interrupt?
When someone is talking, are you really present with your attention on them, or is your mind jumping ahead to your next appointment or things you still need to do today? People sense it when you’re not really there. What can you do to be more present for others?
Next, we will discuss the downside of the Relationship Builder pillar: their challenges and weaker areas, and offer some suggestions to improve their functionality in this vital area of leadership.
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