Article

The Conflict That’s Killing Your Startup

December 5, 2024

It’s Monday morning, and the leadership meeting is already off the rails. Sales is frustrated with Product for delivering a “half-baked” feature. Product fires back, blaming Engineering for missing deadlines. Engineering shifts the blame to Support, claiming that they’re drowning in unresolved customer complaints. Voices are raised, tempers flare, and the founder—the supposed leader in the room—watches silently, hoping it will all blow over.


Sound familiar?


Conflict like this isn’t just a bad day at the office. It’s a cultural cancer that erodes trust, drains energy, and can tear a company apart if left unchecked. And yet, too many founders avoid addressing it. Whether it’s fear of confrontation, lack of time, or simply not knowing where to start, the result is the same: festering tensions that hurt the team and, ultimately, the business.

Here’s the truth: conflict is inevitable in startups. But how you handle it determines whether it becomes your Achilles’ heel or your secret weapon.


The Founder’s Paradox: Bold Vision, Fear of Confrontation


Founders are often fearless in the face of business challenges but retreat when faced with interpersonal disputes. This paradox is pervasive: the same people who challenge markets, disrupt industries, and battle competitors will freeze when asked to mediate a disagreement between two key team members.


One founder I worked with was described by his team as “reluctant to wade into any disagreement unless it became a full-blown crisis.” His aversion to conflict was so pronounced that, when tensions arose between his engineering and marketing teams, he simply delegated the problem to his COO. Weeks later, the COO resigned, citing exhaustion from being the company’s de facto conflict manager.


Another one of my coaching clients struggled with a toxic relationship between two senior team members. She let it fester for months, hoping they’d resolve it on their own. Instead, the situation spiraled, culminating in one of the employees quitting and taking half the team with them. The fallout from her inaction left her shaken. “I thought I was avoiding a tough conversation, but I was really creating a much bigger problem,” she admitted later.


Why do founders avoid conflict? There are three primary reasons:

  1. Fear of Escalation: Many founders believe that addressing conflict will make things worse.
  2. Perceived Distraction: They see interpersonal issues as secondary to the “real” work of building a business.
  3. Emotional Avoidance: Navigating human emotions can feel uncomfortable and overwhelming.


The result? Neglect. And as any leader who has ignored conflict knows, unresolved issues don’t go away—they grow.


The Three Deadly Patterns of Founder Conflict Avoidance


Founders don’t all handle conflict the same way, but three problematic patterns emerge repeatedly:


1. Neglecting the Problem


The most common response to conflict is doing nothing at all. Many founders believe that if they ignore a problem long enough, it will solve itself. One leader let a months-long disagreement between his head of product and his CTO linger without intervention. By the time he stepped in, the two leaders were barely on speaking terms, and product development had ground to a halt.


2. Picking Sides

Some founders attempt to resolve conflicts by quickly picking a winner. While this approach may seem decisive, it often backfires. As one employee put it, “Our CEO tends to take sides in arguments, which leaves one person feeling deflated and the other emboldened. It destroys trust and discourages honest conversations in the future.”


3. Delegating Without Ownership


Other founders assume conflict resolution isn’t their job, offloading it to COOs or HR leaders. While delegation is often necessary, conflict resolution requires the founder’s involvement to set the tone and establish cultural norms. As one executive remarked, “He thinks dealing with conflict is beneath him, so it festers until someone else is forced to clean it up.”


Why Conflict Is an Opportunity in Disguise


Here’s the irony: conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, when managed well, it can be one of the most powerful tools for growth and innovation.


Consider the story of a startup where the sales and product teams were locked in a constant tug-of-war. Sales wanted quick fixes to address customer complaints, while Product focused on long-term innovation. The tension was palpable, with both sides blaming each other for the company’s slowing growth.


The founder, initially paralyzed by the situation, was coached to see the conflict as an opportunity rather than a threat. By bringing both teams together and facilitating a discussion about shared goals, the founder discovered that the root issue wasn’t the teams’ competing priorities but a lack of a shared product roadmap. With this clarity, the teams collaborated on a plan that balanced immediate customer needs with strategic objectives. The result? Improved morale, better alignment, and a faster path to growth.


Conflict, when reframed, becomes a lens through which hidden problems can surface. It forces teams to question assumptions, refine strategies, and align on what truly matters.


The Founder’s Framework for Conflict Resolution


Transforming conflict from a liability into an asset requires a deliberate shift in mindset and behavior. Here’s a practical framework for founders:


1. Reframe Conflict as a Catalyst


Conflict isn’t a failure—it’s a signal that something important needs attention. Instead of avoiding disagreements, lean into them as opportunities to surface new ideas and align your team.


Another founder who led a fast-growing tech company, struggled with this. His team had grown reluctant to challenge her decisions, fearing his sharp reactions. He misinterpreted their silence as agreement—until a major product launch failed. The post-mortem revealed that his team had withheld critical feedback to avoid confrontation.


Realizing his mistake, he adopted a new approach. He began framing disagreements as a chance to improve: “If we’re all nodding in a meeting, it means we’re missing something. Let’s challenge each other to find the best solution.” This mindset shift transformed his team’s culture, making debates more constructive and decisions more robust.


2. Address the Root Cause


Most conflicts are symptoms of deeper issues. A disagreement about deadlines may actually be about misaligned priorities. A clash between department heads might stem from unclear roles or resource disparities.


One founder dealt with recurring tension between his product and sales teams. At first, it seemed like a straightforward dispute about feature delivery timelines. But through structured conversations, he uncovered a deeper issue: the lack of a shared roadmap. By addressing this root cause, he not only resolved the immediate conflict but also prevented similar issues from arising in the future.


Ask yourself: What’s really driving this conflict? Digging deeper often reveals systemic problems that, once addressed, can strengthen the entire organization.


3. Create a Safe Space for Disagreement


Psychological safety—the belief that it’s safe to speak up without fear of punishment—is the foundation of effective conflict resolution. Without it, conflicts either escalate into personal attacks or remain hidden until they explode.


Another coaching client learned this the hard way. His team had developed a culture of silent resentment, with employees avoiding tough conversations for fear of reprisal. With coaching, he implemented ground rules for meetings, such as:


  • Encouraging dissenting opinions with phrases like, “I’d love to hear why you disagree.”
  • Prohibiting interruptions during discussions.
  • Validating emotions while keeping the focus on solutions.


These small changes created an environment where disagreements were seen as a natural and necessary part of collaboration.


4. Follow Through


Conflict resolution doesn’t end with a handshake. Lingering emotions and doubts can undermine even the best agreements. Following up ensures that resolutions stick and builds trust over time.


Another client who founded a SaaS company, had a habit of declaring conflicts “resolved” and moving on. His team often felt otherwise, citing unresolved tensions that resurfaced later. By implementing a simple follow-up process checking in with both sides a week after each resolution—He began building a culture of accountability and trust.


The Ripple Effect of Better Conflict Management


When founders embrace conflict resolution, the benefits ripple through the entire organization. Teams become more cohesive, decision-making improves, and the company culture shifts from avoidance to accountability. But the impact goes beyond business metrics, it transforms the founder as well.


As one leader reflected, “I used to see conflict as a distraction. Now I see it as a chance to strengthen our team and refine our vision.”


Your Call to Action


Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it is a choice. Will you avoid it, letting it fester and grow? Or will you face it head-on, turning it into a source of growth and innovation?


This week, take one step toward better conflict resolution:


  • Facilitate an open dialogue in your next team meeting.
  • Check in with an employee about a tension you’ve been avoiding.
  • Reflect on your own approach to conflict—are you neglecting, picking sides, or delegating without ownership?


The choice to embrace conflict isn’t easy, but it’s the mark of a true leader. And in the high-stakes world of startups, it’s a skill you can’t afford to ignore.

share this

Related Articles

Related Articles

e
By Rich Hagberg August 9, 2025
Introduction: The Brutal Truth About Change If you’re leading a company, here’s one brutal truth you can’t dodge: resistance to change isn’t just inevitable—it’s a gift. Most leaders don’t see it that way. They treat it like an obstacle to bulldoze, something to out-argue, out-maneuver, or silence. But resistance, if you know how to read it, is a living, breathing diagnostic tool. Every objection, every sideways comment in a hallway, every moment of awkward silence in a meeting—it’s all data. It tells you where the trust gaps are, where the communication breakdowns have happened, and where your people’s unspoken fears live. If you ignore that data, you’re flying blind. The hard numbers back this up: more than 70% of organizational change initiatives fail, not because the strategy was flawed, but because leaders underestimated what it would take to guide people through the emotional turbulence of transformation. If you want your next big initiative to succeed, the shift starts here: stop seeing resistance as the enemy, and start listening to what it’s telling you. When you do, you’ll discover that resistance isn’t a wall to break down—it’s a map showing you exactly where to go next. 1. Rethink Resistance: It’s Data, Not Defiance Let’s flip the lens. When people resist, they’re rarely doing it for sport. They’re sending up flares. They’re telling you something’s unclear, untested, or untrusted. For example, I worked with a CEO rolling out a sweeping technology overhaul. His first instinct when his managers hesitated was frustration—until we sat down and dissected the resistance. It turned out the managers weren’t doubting the technology; they were worried about the gap between the training timeline and the rollout date. They didn’t fear change—they feared being set up to fail.  When you stop labeling resistance as “non-compliance” and start treating it like intelligence gathering, you find it points to the very levers you can pull to move the change forward.
How
By Rich Hagberg August 1, 2025
Most startup founders are brilliant at innovation, disruption, and blazing new trails. They're visionaries, incredibly driven, and fiercely independent. Unfortunately, those same powerful traits often sabotage their ability to foster genuine collaboration—a critical ingredient in startup success. I've spent decades coaching founders, and one of the biggest blind spots I've observed is the gap between what founders naturally do well and what's required to create truly collaborative cultures. Understanding these tendencies—and knowing how to counter them—can mean the difference between startup stagnation and breakout growth. High Independence, Low Collaboration Founders thrive on independence. They love breaking rules, ignoring boundaries, and pushing limits. But independence can quickly morph into isolation. The very idea of slowing down to seek consensus or accommodate team input feels restrictive, even suffocating. Implications: This independent streak inadvertently sidelines team members, suppresses input, and reduces engagement. Talented people quickly learn their ideas don't matter, and teams become passive or defensive. Actions to Counter: Practice deliberately inclusive decision-making. Clearly define which decisions you'll make alone and where you'll solicit team input. Regularly check in to see if team members feel heard and involved. Dominance Isn’t Always Dominant Many founders naturally take a commanding stance. Their assertiveness, directness, and forcefulness can spark initial progress but, over time, it creates resistance. When team members feel steamrolled or fearful of speaking up, creativity vanishes. Implications: A dominant style shuts down communication, makes feedback difficult, and kills the very collaboration needed for sustained innovation. Actions to Counter: Make intentional space for quieter team members to speak. Foster psychological safety by modeling vulnerability and humility Balance assertiveness with curiosity—actively seek feedback rather than waiting for it. The Curse of Poor Delegation Delegation isn't just handing off tasks—it's handing off trust. But founders notoriously struggle with this, often believing only they can execute properly. Every task not delegated reinforces the message that the team isn’t capable. Implications: Poor delegation creates bottlenecks, slows execution, and demoralizes talented employees who feel undervalued and micromanaged. Actions to Counter: Start small by delegating lower-risk tasks clearly and thoroughly. Regularly check your impulses to micromanage; remind yourself why you hired capable people. Invest in mentoring and coaching rather than controlling. Communication Breakdown Founders are famously impatient. They think fast, act fast, and often communicate quickly or incompletely. What seems obvious to them might be totally unclear to their team. Implications: Poor communication creates ambiguity, confusion, and frustration, grinding collaboration to a halt. Teams waste energy guessing expectations rather than innovating. Actions to Counter: Slow down to clearly articulate the "why" behind your decisions. Confirm understanding by asking team members to reflect back their interpretations. Regularly solicit feedback on your communication style and clarity. Arrogance: The Silent Collaboration Killer Confidence is crucial. But confidence unchecked can veer into arrogance, leading founders to dismiss feedback, overlook critical insights, and alienate key contributors. Implications: Arrogance destroys trust, stifles dialogue, and creates a toxic environment where collaboration is impossible. Actions to Counter: Intentionally invite critique and respond openly and constructively. Regularly acknowledge your mistakes publicly to model humility. Actively seek alternative viewpoints before finalizing decisions. Conflict Avoidance (or Aggression) Many founders fall into two extreme camps: conflict avoiders or conflict initiators. Both extremes are deadly to collaboration. Avoiding conflict leaves critical issues unresolved. Aggressive conflict handling creates resentment and fear. Implications: Poorly managed conflict erodes team cohesion, undermines trust, and can spiral into prolonged dysfunction. Actions to Counter: Establish clear, structured conflict resolution processes. Practice direct yet respectful conflict conversations. Use neutral facilitation for emotionally charged discussions. Systems Thinking vs. Reactive Planning Startups prize agility and adaptability. But too much short-term thinking neglects the processes and structures that sustain collaboration. Without clear systems, teams fall into chaos. Implications: Reactive planning leads to burnout, inefficiency, and frustration as team members constantly fight fires rather than building strategically. Actions to Counter: Balance short-term agility with consistent investment in systems and clear processes. Regularly revisit and improve structures as your company scales. Empower process-oriented thinkers in your organization to build effective systems. Workaholism and Burnout Culture Founders set the pace. But when founders turn workaholic, they unknowingly create an environment of exhaustion, anxiety, and diminished psychological safety. Exhausted teams are seldom collaborative. Implications: Productivity drops, innovation dries up, and talented employees start to leave. Actions to Counter: Actively model sustainable work-life balance. Publicly recognize and reward collaborative, balanced behaviors. Regularly monitor signs of burnout and intervene early. Ambiguity Isn’t Always Your Friend Founders typically tolerate ambiguity better than most. But your team needs clarity and direction. Too much ambiguity creates stress and undermines collaborative execution. Implications: Team paralysis, lack of initiative, and increased frustration. Actions to Counter: Clearly define roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Regularly ask your team what clarity they need to be effective. Balance your tolerance for ambiguity with your team’s genuine need for guidance. The Collaboration Paradox Founders face a paradox. The same traits that fuel their success—independence, assertiveness, rapid execution—also sabotage the collaborative environments crucial for scaling. Acknowledging this paradox is the first step. The second is intentionally adopting behaviors that might feel unnatural at first: fostering inclusive communication, delegating with trust, managing conflict constructively, investing in systems thinking, and balancing your independent streak with genuine empathy.  The good news? These skills are learnable. Great founders don’t have to become entirely different people; they simply need to expand their toolkit. Start today by picking just one area and committing to small, consistent improvements. Your team and your startup—will thank you.
The Recognition Paradox: 
Why Truly Outstanding Leaders Thrive by Indifference to Personal Glory
By Rich Hagberg July 31, 2025
The Recognition Paradox: Why Truly Outstanding Leaders Thrive by Indifference to Personal Glory
ALL ARTICLES