The Confidence Myth: Why Humility, Authenticity, Empathy, and Open-Mindedness Are the Secret Weapons of the Best Leaders

One of the biggest dilemmas that founders face knowing when and why to bring in a Chief Operating Officer (COO) . Too early, and you risk creating bureaucracy before the business finds its footing. Too late, and the founder becomes a bottleneck, throttling growth and burning out teams. Get the wrong type of COO, and you’ll spark culture clashes or stifle innovation. I have had 4 COOs over my career. Their styles and capabilities were very different and the role I needed them to play differed dramatically based on the stage of the company. Some of them worked out beautifully and were the perfect complement to my founder tendencies and limitations. Some were a disaster. Here is what I learned. The COO is the most variable role in the C-suite. Some founders never hire one. Others go through three or four before finding the right fit. In many cases, the question isn’t if you need a COO—it’s what type of COO your company and your leadership style demand at this stage of growth. Let’s break this down. Why COOs Matter Founders are visionaries. They are idea machines, market spotters, and force-of-nature storytellers who rally talent and investors around a dream. But those same strengths often come paired with weaknesses: disorganization, impatience, lack of systems, and difficulty letting go of control. A strong COO is the counterweight. They turn vision into execution. They stabilize culture. They keep promises made to customers and investors. And, at the right time, they free the founder to do what only the founder can do—set direction, evangelize the mission, and keep the spark alive. But “COO” isn’t one job. It’s a category. And picking the wrong type is like forcing a square peg into a round hole. The Seven Archetypes of COOs 1. The Executor The backbone of day-to-day operations. They build systems, enforce discipline, and make the trains run on time. Best fit: Visionary founders who thrive on ideas but leave chaos in their wake. Stage: Early scaling, when the business needs process without killing momentum. Examples: Sheryl Sandberg at Facebook (balancing Zuckerberg’s vision), Gwynne Shotwell at SpaceX (stabilizing Musk’s whirlwind). 2. The Change Agent The fixer. Brought in when transformation is urgent—scaling fast, restructuring, or pulling out of crisis. Best fit: Founders who know the business has outgrown their own operational grip. Stage: Scaling into hypergrowth, or turnaround scenarios. Examples: Daniel Alegre at Activision Blizzard, leading cultural and operational overhaul. 3. The Mentor/Partner The grown-up in the room. A seasoned leader who steadies a first-time or young founder, often more coach than operator. Best fit: Visionary but inexperienced founders, often in the earliest stages of institutional growth. Stage: Transition from startup scrappiness to formal organization. Examples: Eric Schmidt at Google—while not COO by title, he played this role for Page and Brin. 4. The Heir Apparent The COO as CEO-in-waiting. They take on broad P&L responsibility, often shadowing the founder before succession. Best fit: Companies preparing for leadership transition. Stage: Later scaling into maturit Examples: Tim Cook at Apple before succeeding Steve Jobs. 5. The MVP Functionalist The specialist. A COO with deep expertise in one critical area—finance, product, supply chain, or sales. Best fit: Founders strong in vision but weak in a single domain essential to scaling. Stage: Startup to early scale. Examples: Prabir Adarkar at DoorDash, covering finance and operations. 6. The Complement to the CEO’s Gaps A tailor-made role. If the founder is a disorganized visionary, the COO is structured and disciplined. If the founder is technical but introverted, the COO is outward-facing and people-savvy. Best fit: Any founder aware enough to know their own blind spots. Stage: Anywhere, but especially scaling. Examples: Sandberg balancing Zuckerberg’s lack of operational rigor; Shotwell countering Musk’s volatility. 7. The Integrator/Hybrid The most complex type. They unify strategy, execution, culture, and talent at once—bridging across multiple functions. Best fit: Complex, multi-line businesses with global teams. Stage: Scaling into maturity. Examples: Angela Ahrendts at Burberry, integrating brand, culture, and operations before moving to Apple. Why Founder–COO Relationships Fail So Often If the COO role is so valuable, why do so many founder–COO relationships crash and burn? Boards are often gun-shy about hiring COOs because they’ve seen these partnerships implode. The reasons fall into several predictable buckets. 1. Lack of Role Clarity The fastest way to sabotage the relationship is leaving the COO’s job undefined. Who owns what decisions? Where does accountability lie? If the COO’s role overlaps with the founder’s, or isn’t communicated to the rest of the team, the COO quickly becomes either a glorified project manager or a powerless deputy. Both end badly. 2. Founder’s Inability to Let Go Many founders simply can’t let go. They want to approve every detail, revisit every decision, and undermine the very autonomy they hired the COO to exercise. A COO who feels second-guessed or constantly overruled either disengages or quits. 3. Misaligned Vision and Values Operational excellence isn’t enough if the COO doesn’t fully buy into the founder’s vision and cultural values. When the COO wants to optimize for stability while the founder is pushing disruption—or vice versa—the two end up pulling the company in opposite directions. 4. Trust and Emotional Reactivity Trust is fragile. If the founder is volatile under stress, or the COO isn’t skilled at navigating the founder’s personality, the relationship becomes brittle. Outbursts, defensiveness, or miscommunications erode psychological safety between them and ripple across the organization. 5. Succession Ambiguity and Power Tensions Is the COO being groomed as the future CEO—or not? Few questions create more tension. If expectations aren’t clarified up front, the COO may feel misled and the founder may feel threatened. Meanwhile, employees begin to compare the two and pick sides. Boards have seen this movie before, and it rarely ends well. 6. Unrealistic Expectations Founders and boards often expect the COO to “fix everything yesterday.” In reality, operational improvements take time—learning systems, culture, and people. When results don’t appear overnight, frustration builds. On the flip side, some COOs expect to make sweeping changes immediately, without respecting the founder’s legacy or the team’s tolerance for disruption. 7. Culture and Communication Breakdowns The founder and COO need structured ways to align—weekly check-ins, clear communication norms, and mechanisms to resolve disagreements. Without them, minor irritations accumulate into major grievances. Worse, the team sees open conflict at the top and begins to question who’s really in charge. 8. Identity and Ego Issues Let’s name the elephant in the room: many founders see hiring a COO as an admission of weakness. They sabotage the hire by bypassing the COO or contradicting them in front of the team. On the other side, ambitious COOs often chafe at being “Number Two.” If the relationship isn’t anchored in humility and respect, egos will clash. How Founders Can Prevent the Breakdown Knowing the pitfalls is only half the battle. Preventing them takes deliberate work: Define the COO’s mandate explicitly —what they own, what’s shared, and what stays with the CEO. Set up trust rituals early —regular one-on-one check-ins to surface tension before it festers. Align on vision and values —not just what you’re building, but how you’ll build it and why it matters. Clarify succession expectations —is this person a partner, a long-term No. 2, or a potential future CEO? Say it. Set realistic timelines —agree on milestones, but don’t expect magic overnight. Communicate clearly to the org —so employees understand who does what and aren’t caught in the crossfire. Hire for complementarity —choose a COO who fills your blind spots, not one who duplicates your strengths. The founder–COO relationship is like a marriage with the pressure of Wall Street, venture capital, and 200 employees watching. When it works, it’s transformative. When it doesn’t, it’s messy, public, and expensive. The Founder × Stage × COO Fit So how do you know when and which type of COO to bring in? Here’s the decision logic: Startup + Visionary Founder Needs an Executor or Mentor/Partner. Someone to turn chaos into motion without killing energy. Startup + Operator Founder May not need a COO yet. If they do, it’s usually a domain specialist (MVP Functionalist) to cover blind spots. Scaling + Visionary Founder Needs an Integrator or a Complement to gaps. Execution and people issues become bottlenecks. Scaling + Operator Founder May need a Change Agent or Heir Apparent. The role becomes about transformation or succession. Mature Company + Visionary CEO The COO role is succession-oriented (Heir Apparent) or complex integration (Hybrid). Mature Company + Operator CEO Sometimes no COO is needed; the CEO already runs operations. In other cases, the COO is simply the next CEO waiting in line. Takeaway Hiring a COO isn’t about “offloading work.” It’s about admitting what kind of company you’re really building, and what kind of leader you are. If you’re the spark but not the engine, you need an Executor. If you’re a force of change but leave wreckage behind, you need a Relationship-Builder complement. If you’re building for the long haul, sooner or later you need an Heir Apparent. The best founders aren’t the ones who try to do it all. They’re the ones who know when to step aside—just enough—to let someone else make the company stronger. Closing Thought In Founders Keepers, I often say: what got you here won’t get you there. The founder’s job is to create possibility. The COO’s job is to turn possibility into performance. The only real mistake is waiting until your company is already fraying before you decide which kind of COO you need. By then, the cost of waiting may be higher than you can afford. 

The Founder’s Dilemma Founders are fountains of ideas. You see possibilities everywhere, you connect dots others can’t, and you can sell a vision with enough energy to light up a room. But there’s a problem: ideas don’t implement themselves. They need systems, people, and execution discipline. In my coaching of more than a hundred startup founders—and backed by data from 122 founder assessments—the same challenge comes up again and again: founders are world-class at generating ideas, but their companies stumble when those ideas aren’t translated into action. I have struggled with this tendency for my entire career. My creative ideas just keep bubbling up and my execution discipline and focus can’t keep up. I have the classic “shiny object” distraction problem shared by many founders. The irony? The very traits that made me a classic visionary evangelist—creativity, independence, impatience, and risk tolerance—are the same traits that made execution difficult. If you want your ideas to live beyond a brainstorming session, you must learn to do what feels unnatural: offload execution, delegate real authority, and empower others to carry your vision forward. Why Great Ideas Die Without Execution Most failed ideas don’t die because they weren’t brilliant. They die because: 1. The founder keeps ownership too long, trying to do everything personally instead of empowering others. 2. Delegation is fake, with tasks assigned but no real authority granted, leaving the founder still in control. 3. Priorities aren’t clear, so teams are overwhelmed by too many initiatives and unsure of what matters most. 4. Accountability is weak, with no consistent follow-up or consequences when commitments slip. 5. Founders love possibilities but resist discipline, avoiding the planning, sequencing, and focus execution requires. 6. Ideas are left open-ended, because founders generate endlessly but fail to converge on closure and completion. 7. Optimism turns unrealistic, as founders overestimate what’s possible and ignore what could go wrong. 8. Expectations aren’t communicated, leaving teams uncertain about roles, outcomes, and next steps. 9. They rush ahead without buy-in, moving too fast to bring others along and win their commitment. 10. They undervalue operators, failing to leverage managers of execution who can turn vision into systems. This is what I call the founder time bomb. Early success convinces you that your personal hustle is the engine of growth. But as the company scales, hustle becomes a bottleneck. Unless you shift, your best ideas will choke on lack of oxygen. Step 1: Translate Vision Into Tangible Priorities Your job as a founder isn’t to hand down a 37-slide vision deck and hope for the best. Your team needs clarity. That means breaking down your big idea into concrete, winnable battles. Set the “critical few” : Define 3–5 top priorities for the quarter. Outcome > activity : Don’t assign tasks, define the result (e.g., “Increase retention by 5%”). Overcommunicate : If you feel like you’re repeating yourself, you’re doing it right. One founder I coached changed his company trajectory by beginning every weekly meeting with just three priorities. The noise vanished. His team finally knew what mattered. Step 2: Practice Real Delegation, Not Fake Delegation Too many founders think delegation means assigning a task and then hovering over the person doing it. That’s not delegation—that’s micromanagement with extra steps. Real delegation means: Handing over ownership, not just chores. Giving the decision rights along with the responsibility. Accepting that “80% their way” may be better than “100% your way.” Here’s a phrase worth practicing: “You own this. You don’t need my approval.” Few sentences are harder for founders to say. Few sentences build more trust. Step 3: Build a Culture of Accountability Without Becoming a Tyrant Accountability is where many founders stumble. They either avoid conflict (hoping problems fix themselves) or they overreact when deadlines slip. Both extremes poison execution. Healthy accountability requires: Clear expectations : No hidden rules or shifting targets. Visible commitments : Public goals build peer pressure to deliver. Rhythms of review : Regular check-ins that aren’t nagging but structured. Consequences : Underperformance addressed quickly, not ignored. Accountability isn’t punishment—it’s support. It says, “I expect the best from you because I believe in you.” Step 4: Share Information Like Oxygen Execution thrives on information. Yet many founders hoard knowledge—sometimes out of habit, sometimes out of insecurity. Teams can’t execute if they don’t understand the why behind the what. Empowered teams need: Transparent dashboards : Everyone sees progress metrics. Context, not just orders : Explain reasoning, not just results. Accessible strategy docs : Kill the “founder black box.” When people understand the big picture, they stop running back to you for every decision. They start acting like owners. Step 5: Invest in Second-Line Leaders Scaling execution isn’t about having 50 great individual contributors—it’s about having 5 managers who can each lead 10 people effectively. Yet many founders neglect their managers, focusing instead on product or fundraising. Strong second-line leaders can: Translate your vision into plans. Coach their teams instead of doing the work themselves. Spot and develop talent below them. Your leverage point is not how many people you personally manage, but how many leaders you multiply. Step 6: Watch Out for Founder Autopilot Your instincts—boldness, independence, impatience—got you this far. But they can sabotage you at scale. I call this founder autopilot. It looks like: Jumping back into execution “just to speed things up.” Overloading the team with new initiatives before finishing the old ones. Cutting around your managers and making unilateral calls. The cure is self-awareness. Tools like 360 feedback and coaching help you notice when you’ve slipped back into heroic founder mode instead of scalable leader mode. Step 7: Celebrate Execution, Not Just Ideas Most founders glorify the spark of ideation but forget to recognize the grind of implementation. If you only celebrate creativity, you’ll get lots of brainstorming but little delivery. Shift the culture: Spotlight the team that launched, shipped, or solved—not just the one that dreamed. Tell stories of execution at all-hands meetings. Publicly recognize “builders,” not just “visionaries.” What you celebrate becomes what your team repeats. The Founder’s Evolution: From Genius to Builder of Builders The founder who can’t offload execution ends up as the bottleneck, exhausted and surrounded by frustrated employees. The founder who masters delegation and empowerment evolves into something much more powerful: a builder of builders. In my research, the difference between founders who scaled 10x and those who flatlined wasn’t idea quality. It was execution quality. The 10x founders learned to empower others, create accountability systems, and step back from doing everything themselves. The founder who shifts from “I’ll do it” to “I’ll ensure it gets done” makes the leap from fragile startup to durable company. Closing Thoughts Ideas ignite companies, but execution sustains them. If you want your vision to shape reality, you must resist the temptation to hold the reins too tightly. Translate vision into priorities. Delegate real authority. Build accountability and transparency. Develop leaders beneath you. And above all, celebrate execution as much as you celebrate ideation. That’s how founders ensure their ideas don’t die in the brainstorm stage but live on as products, services, and companies that change the world.